I am going to take this opportunity to come clean on a problem that has infiltrated and affected every aspect of my life. The truth is that I have an insidious addiction. Like all addictions, it started with a gateway. Once addicted, I have changed my habits. I have started hanging around in sketchy places; I am on the verge of losing close friends.  No, I am not addicted to drugs, or booze (that one is actually debatable), or sex. I am addicted to……………club anthems!!!

Now before you scoff, let me explain why this is a real and dangerous affliction. Four months ago, I was happily living my life, discussing the new Radiohead album with friends, catching a live Kurt Vile show, or jiving to an old Steely Dan record. Fast-forward to today, where I am secretly sitting in a dark room listening to “What’s my name” by Rihanna on super sound proof headphones. I had friends ask me out for a BBQ not an hour ago but I declined because I wanted to watch a Swedish House Mafia concert on Youtube. You may ask, “Who the hell is Swedish House mafia?” and that would be the appropriate question. Unfortunately I know too well.

I have asked myself over and over how this could come to be. What went wrong? As far as I can tell, the gateway came in the form of the latest Kanye West album, one of my all time favorites. Its catchy hooks and thumping beats were great, but after a while, I needed something MORE thumping. I needed something with more annoying electro screeching. I needed cheesier lyrics about partying and doing shots. I needed flashier videos and MORE guest vocalists. The dark tunnel opened and I spiraled into the abyss.

The next thing I knew, I was heading to Montreal hotspot “Chez Serge” weekly; not for the beautiful waitresses dancing on tables, but so I could “Shazam” all the club anthems they were playing to download later. A place called “Lips Bar” is now a more appealing hang out then the local pub. I am creating running playlists featuring Britney, Usher, Guetta, whoever I can get my hands on. Nothing is to depraved. In the past, friends would often ask what I was listening to, or even ask me to DJ a party. Those days are over for me.

Maybe this sickness comes from a deeper place. My first day of high school, I headed to class with the biggest and baggiest MC Hammer pants you could imagine. I loved the Hammer, I loved Abdul, I loved Vanilla Ice. For the love of god, I wore polka dots!! Only a family friend dragging me to a Rolling Stones Imax concert was able to check my taste and put me in blue jeans before it was too late.

What will save me this time? Do I have hope? Or will I end up at a club on Crescent Street this Saturday with leather pants on. Only time will tell. Pray for me.

For what it’s worth, here are a few of my favorite anthems: