1. Hear a hot new track that I really like.
2. Play it 6 to 7 million times
3. Get the album the song is on
4. Categorically hate the album.

Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a great one hit wonder as much as the next guy. 80s night at La Tulipe would be pretty weak without a gem like “Take on Me” by Aha swaying the masses. But I also am a big believer of judging an artist by the body of his/her/its work. I would also feel differently if the albums of these artists were merely average. However, the truth is, in most cases these albums are as bad as a 15^th century Cave Troll.

I wonder if these artists are writing a great song and then feel as though they need to make a whole album of filler to satisfy the industry norms. Why not just release the single and call it a day? The reality is that in this hifi wifi world, the album does not have the impact it did when Exile On Main Street was released.  These artists should embrace that and live by the old adage, “if you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all”.

I am getting a bit ornery, let’s focus on the good songs:

I first heard of Little Dragon as a cameo on the already reviewed Gorillaz track “Empire Ants”. I loved the sound of Yukimi Nagano’s voice and I thought the band name was badass mainly because dragons breathe fire and that is badass. Then I found out that Yukimi was half Swedish half Japanese and I think that combo is the only hope for the future of mankind. I heard the song Ritual Union from the new album and was pumped. It makes me feel like I am going to some dimly lit lounge in London to purchase 5 million dollars worth of African Blood diamonds.  I am obviously wearing a suit in this scenario. Wearing a suit is my new “thing”.

 
 
The second song is by a guy names Gotye and it features a girl named Kimbra. This sounds like a new Godzilla movie to me. Gotye and KImbra vs Godzilla!!! Anyway, I like how this song builds and breaks at the end like a sweet surfing roller at Puerto Escondido. The chorus of this song has the line, “Now you are just somebody that I used to know,” which is pertinent to anyone who has an ex they don’t talk to anymore.  I feel this song does straddle that grey line of cool/cheesy but manages to stay on the right side.

 
 
My song of this past summer is Novocaine by Frank Ocean.  I love the ridiculous lyrics. I love the cockiness. I love the beat. I love the R&B crooning. I love the video. I love how hot he is right now (sorry Hansel). To be fair, the rest of his album does have a few good songs but also has a weird Coldplay cover so that negates all the positives. I am not worried about Frank though. He has a friend named Earl Sweatshirt, he will be fine.

My old beat up Ipod has been through a lot with me and has saved me in more than a few instances. For example; the simple but elegant game of solitaire on it kept me sane through long days trapped in Khartoum. It flabbergasted nomads in the sub Saharan desert when it played 80s hard rock as we drove passed the camel caravans. It kept me awake on long late night drives to the helicopter fuel depot in northern Manitoba. It knows to play hard hitting club anthems when the night has turned into one of “those nights”. It has played sleek love ballads to ladies I was trying to woo, dropping in the Al Green at just the right time. (It must be said that this does nothing to help most times.) It has made me laugh and it has made me cry. It has made me think and made my mind go as blank as a freshly unpacked sixth century slate.

It is also a tough bugger. It has been dropped from unfathomable heights, it has been doused in chlorine, covered in tree dirt, and it avoided detection when greedy government officials wanting it for their own. It has never let me down.

However, my Ipod knows the jig is up. On my brief recent stop in Montreal I bought a flashy new Iphone. From that day on it knew it was going to play second fiddle. It just didn’t have the weapons needed to compete with the glossy screen, the crisp sound, and the fact that it was not able to order a pizza. But true to its character, it is doing its best to prove me wrong. I did not have the heart to risk bringing my Iphone to the seemingly dangerous shores of Haiti and so old reliable got packed up and is getting what I thought would be its last real hurrah. However, since arriving, my Ipod has been dazzling me with well crafted shuffles, interesting Podcasts, and finding hidden gems buried in the vast library that lives on it.

Here are two of these gems. Both are real arm-benders that could start or end any party including a party on a deserted beach in the Caribbean.

The first comes from Chilly Gonzales, also known as Gonzales, a piano playing virtuoso who contributed too many artists including some Feist hits. I saw him play at Pop Montreal a few years back and his charm equaled his amazing playing ability. Chilly Gonzales is his pseudonym when he wants to get dirty on the dance floor. This song is high on fun and low on intelligence, which suits it fine. Listen for the background vocals near the end of the song to get my drift. The video is also fun to watch if you enjoy gyrating female body parts, which some strange people seem to enjoy.

The second is already considered a huge hit in some circles. It is the second try of a song made by Crystal Castles. The first version can be found on the album “II”. This newer version throws out the whispered, weird and even scary synthed out vocals and brings in heavy hitter Robert Smith of the Cure to notch it up from a third line grinder to a top line power forward. When the electro crazy vibro attack starts you might as well be fighting off a herd of well trained African cobras that have venom that make you dance instead of die.

Recently, the band has announced they are back after a hiatus, appropriately dropping the “We Say Die” from their name. This is great news to me as their most recent album, XXXX, was one of my favorites of last year. It was a huge leap forward in both musical and lyrical maturity from the first albums straight up dance punk pop.  Though upbeat, it has a haunting quality that really gets me in the sweet spot.  I still listen to XXXX often and find it especially gratifying when I am navigating the mean streets on my bike and pretending I am a participant in a “Tour de France” type racing event.

One of my favorite songs on XXXX is “Laura Palmer’s Prom”. This video was recorded on the CBC’s radio show “Q” in Toronto and really shows Devon’s fine and fluid stick moves. RIP.

This song really is a prime example of how music can be the true emotional medicine. Recently I have been dealing with some moral dilemmas, most importantly, “how do I join the ever pressing adult world while keeping my street cred?” That’s when I pop on some cool rock classics like Rhiannon and realize that as long as my future kids know their Dad rocks to Fleetwood when he is driving them in the minivan to soccer practice, I have nothing to worry about.

This live version of the song is from a hip British show called “Midnight special” which is avaiIable on DVD. I highly recommend it to anyone up at 4 AM making grilled cheese and watching infomercials; three easy payments and it’s yours. The guitar solo half way through is worth it alone. Also, Stevie Nicks proves here why she is THE original rock babe. The voice, the looks, the drug habit…..amazing. Just watch the last minute of the video and you’ll get my drift. On a side note, I’m happy to see that Stevie still has it. At this year’s grammy awards, she gave current teen dream Taylor Swift a left uppercut/ right jab combo to the vocal chords. It was slightly shameful seeing my 70s goddess singing about some adolescent crush however.

Rhiannon can be played anywhere and anytime and you won’t get a complaint from me, this whole performance just oozes everything that was good about the 70s.

The specific song, “This tornado loves you” has all the elements needed for an all-time classic. It has great lyrics; I especially love the line, “I’ve waited with a glacier’s patience”. The frantic guitars mesh seamlessly with her singing. It just works as a mid-tempo country-rock masterpiece. Plus, it is about a tornado falling in love with someone which is super weird and awesome.

As for Neko, here are some key facts why I am asking her to marry me:

• She is a total babe. (I saw her at a bar in Montreal once and this fact is now scientifically confirmed)
• She lives on a farm in Vermont with means she has an old wooden barn.
• She wears David Suzuki tshirts on national American television shows.
• On her latest record cover, she stands on a classic car in bare feet holding some sort of weapon.
• That god damn voice.

Fast forward a few months to the grey, desolate, windblown landscape of late November. This song shuffled onto my Ipod and screamed amazing at me with a bullhorn. There is something about its sparse, clean and simple tone that translates really well to this “only fun to be had is drinking a bunch of scotch in an unfinished basement and singing show tunes” time of year. The album has been playing on repeat ever since and has become one of my favorites of 2009. Sometimes you need something like a kick ass tune to get you through the doldrums to the crisp nights on the outdoor ice and the general winter frolicking just around the corner.

That being said, this song by Delorean is definitely “party 2.0”. It is sort of like a synth-hippy-rave jam out.  I feel like you might hear it at a hemp bracelet making festival or at a topless Italian disco. Sometimes when I hear it, I “party 2.0” in my pants.

There is a live version from some “party 2.0” festival in Spain which has a pretty awesome light show. I also like that they have a live drummer not a machine drummer. You can find it here.

I like the recorded album version better though.

So the obvious question to ask is what could a mad genius like Beck and a traumatized hipster protégée come up with for a video? The answer: A couple running on the beach with a broad sword, lesbians shopping for a shot gun, a skateboard on hamburgers, a dinosaur man in the bathtub, and a pancake astronaut.

And that’s only the first half of the video. The song is pretty great too. Enjoy.

I was recently reading about how scientists were speculating that detonating a nuclear bomb in the eye of a hurricane could actually disperse the force of the winds and downgrade the impact. What? Wouldn’t it just create a radioactive hurricane? That sounds way worse to me.  This got me thinking, didn’t pop-rock-jazz-fusion-second-only-to-the-Beach-Boys supergroup Chicago create a radioactive hurricane?

“25 or 6 to 4” by Chicago is an old school rock barrage of horns, awesome vocals, and insanely ridiculous guitar solos. In fact there is basically someone dropping a crazy solo in the background throughout the entire song. It makes me want to jump and high kick and shank someone with a broken whiskey bottle. I hope this song is wailing in the background if ever I’m in a beat-up pickup flooring it away from a radioactive hurricane.

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Empire State of Mind – Jay -Z

I agree with the general consensus that the new Jay-Z album is kind of middle of the road. Too bad because Jay-Z is hands down my favorite rapper and, by doing something average, he hurt my feelings. Luckily, there are still a couple of good tracks like “Empire State of Mind”, a love song to NYC. He raps about the Knicks and the Yankees, but where is the love for the Rangers? I would love to hear something like “I am dressier then Messier” or “my rapping is as sick as Gaborik “. But the real highlight of this song is Alicia Keys; that lady has got some serious pipes. It is not a mind-altering piece of art like “99 problems”, but it makes me strut a bit when I walk down the street because I feel 8% cooler than I actually am. What else do you need from a song? Sign me up.

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Take it or leave it – The Strokes

I recently saw this video from back when The Strokes were in their heyday and it totally blew me away.  I dare you to watch this video and think it sucks. That’s how you know something is really good: it came out eight years ago and would still be as relevant and amazing as if it came out yesterday. These guys sort of single-handedly brought rock n roll back from its MC Mario-induced coma. Before this first album came out in 2001, Montreal only had a few small venues to see rock music. If you wanted to party, you had to expose yourself to techno DJs’ blippin and bloopin.  Hats off to you, The Strokes, you saved my twenties.